she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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