Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
