It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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