My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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