left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
