I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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