I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
