New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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