also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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