Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
