i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
