I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
