I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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