At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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