My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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