If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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