I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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