How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
