I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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