I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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