What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
