Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
