Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
