meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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