I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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