I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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