hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want to be your penis for a week.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
