wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
