i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
