Screwed.edu
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
