I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
