yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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