Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
