Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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