Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
