you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
