So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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