All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
