I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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