I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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