Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
