New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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