people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
