took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
