my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
