dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
