you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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