Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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