Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
