Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
