just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
