she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
